Self-help book: How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie – a brief introduction

September 8, 2009

How To Win Friends & Influence People

How To Win Friends & Influence People

This book – a classic best seller of all time, having sold over 15 million copies – was first published in 1936 and the copyright was renewed in 1964. The revised edition was first published in 1982 by First Pocket Books.

You have probably heard about this book, as its title has become part of the cultural lexicon. It floats around the edges of the pop-culture ether, easily recalled but little read.

It has many practical strategies described from observations on coherent interaction with other people all concentrated within this book. Written in a highly personalized, colloquial style that is reminiscent of a lecture it presents a common approach that would work for anyone.

The core of the book accomplishes four, overarching objectives:

1. Three fundamental techniques in handling people

2. The six ways to make people like you

3. The twelve ways to win people to your way of thinking

4. The nine ways to change people without arousing resentment

Readers will learn the following:

“Speak ill of no man and speak all the good you know of everyone.”

People react very badly to criticism; don’t do it, not to their face nor behind their back … especially not behind their back.

Say “Thank You”.

Express appreciation. People yearn, yearn to be appreciated.

Talk about what people want and help them get it.

“Arouse in others an eager want.”

Corollary: let others take credit for your ideas; they’ll like your ideas a lot more if they believe them to be their own.

WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU

Be happy to see people.

Greet everyone you meet and show an interest in them. Remember the things that are important to them.

Smile!

Remembers peoples’ names!!

Remember it, use it when talking to them. A person’s name sounds beautiful to them.

Draw people out.

Encourage them to talk about themselves and their interests.

Actively research the other person’s interests.

Every person you meet feels themselves superior to you in some way.

Strain to find out what that is and recognize their importance. Talk to people about themselves and they will listen to you for hours.

WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING

Don’t argue!

Give in! Agree that the other person is right; often they are and if they aren’t, you’ll never convince them of it by arguing.

Don’t ever tell a person they’re wrong.

They may be but telling them so is always counterproductive. It is difficult for a person to admit to themselves that they are wrong; harder still to admit it to others.

If you know you’re wrong, admit it.

Openly and freely admit whenever you’re wrong. And always leave open the possibility that you’re wrong even of you think you aren’t.

Friendliness begets friendliness.

Always begin that way. Don’t accuse.

Never neglect a kindness.

Look for ways to do or say something nice.

Start out by emphasizing areas of agreement.

When a person has said “no” it’s hard to get them to change even if they know they’re wrong.

Let the other person do most of the talking.

Listen patiently and don’t interrupt. Let your friends be better than you.

Let people come to your conclusions.

First, tell me what you expect of me; then tell me what I can expect of you. People will generally live up to the commitments they make to you as long as they came up with them on their own.

Think always in terms of the other person’s point of view.

Where they stand depends on where they sit; figure out where they’re sitting.

Some of the people you will ever meet are dying for sympathy.

Give it to them and they will love you.

A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

Dramatize your ideas.

“Don’t use logic; tell stories.” Make your ideas visible, concrete. Bear in mind that people don’t know until you show them what you mean.

Stimulate in others their innate desire to excel (perhaps through a friendly challenge or through competition).

BE A LEADER

Don’t go sailing into difficult interpersonal situations with guns blazing. You’ll always get a negative reaction.

Change “but” into “and”.

Be indirect in your criticism. Praise before you condemn.

Ask questions rather than giving orders.

Be very careful to help others preserve their dignity.

People crave recognition: praise the smallest improvement and praise every improvement.

Treat people as though they had the virtues you wished they possessed.

Give them a reputation to live up to and they will work like crazy to live up to it.

Praise the good; minimize the bad: encourage.

Make achievement seem possible. Take and encourage little baby steps. Seek out even the most insignificant of successes.

Napoleon: I could conquer the world if only I had enough ribbon.

The contents of this book are:

Part One

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
Give honest and sincere appreciation.
Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Part Two

Six ways to make people like you
Become genuinely interested in other people.
Smile.
Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

Part Three

Win people to your way of thinking
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
Begin in a friendly way.
Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
Appeal to the nobler motives.
Dramatize your ideas.
Throw down a challenge.

Part Four

Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
A leader’s job often includes changing your people’s attitudes and behavior. Some suggestions to accomplish this:
Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
Let the other person save face.
Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

Your opinion?

Some of the book may come off as phony, but I think it is how you read and apply it. If you apply this in your life and you truly do care about other people and use these techniques with authenticity, you are not being phony.

This book is informative and helpful for anyone who wants to enjoy an even more enhanced connection with other people and or develop better conflict resolution skills when the need arises.

Well worth a read? Have you read this book?

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Written by SuccessMotivational.com · Filed Under Self help book guide