Self-help book: How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie – a brief introduction

September 8, 2009

How To Win Friends & Influence People

How To Win Friends & Influence People

This book – a classic best seller of all time, having sold over 15 million copies – was first published in 1936 and the copyright was renewed in 1964. The revised edition was first published in 1982 by First Pocket Books.

You have probably heard about this book, as its title has become part of the cultural lexicon. It floats around the edges of the pop-culture ether, easily recalled but little read.

It has many practical strategies described from observations on coherent interaction with other people all concentrated within this book. Written in a highly personalized, colloquial style that is reminiscent of a lecture it presents a common approach that would work for anyone.

The core of the book accomplishes four, overarching objectives:

1. Three fundamental techniques in handling people

2. The six ways to make people like you

3. The twelve ways to win people to your way of thinking

4. The nine ways to change people without arousing resentment

Readers will learn the following:

“Speak ill of no man and speak all the good you know of everyone.”

People react very badly to criticism; don’t do it, not to their face nor behind their back … especially not behind their back.

Say “Thank You”.

Express appreciation. People yearn, yearn to be appreciated.

Talk about what people want and help them get it.

“Arouse in others an eager want.”

Corollary: let others take credit for your ideas; they’ll like your ideas a lot more if they believe them to be their own.

WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU

Be happy to see people.

Greet everyone you meet and show an interest in them. Remember the things that are important to them.

Smile!

Remembers peoples’ names!!

Remember it, use it when talking to them. A person’s name sounds beautiful to them.

Draw people out.

Encourage them to talk about themselves and their interests.

Actively research the other person’s interests.

Every person you meet feels themselves superior to you in some way.

Strain to find out what that is and recognize their importance. Talk to people about themselves and they will listen to you for hours.

WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING

Don’t argue!

Give in! Agree that the other person is right; often they are and if they aren’t, you’ll never convince them of it by arguing.

Don’t ever tell a person they’re wrong.

They may be but telling them so is always counterproductive. It is difficult for a person to admit to themselves that they are wrong; harder still to admit it to others.

If you know you’re wrong, admit it.

Openly and freely admit whenever you’re wrong. And always leave open the possibility that you’re wrong even of you think you aren’t.

Friendliness begets friendliness.

Always begin that way. Don’t accuse.

Never neglect a kindness.

Look for ways to do or say something nice.

Start out by emphasizing areas of agreement.

When a person has said “no” it’s hard to get them to change even if they know they’re wrong.

Let the other person do most of the talking.

Listen patiently and don’t interrupt. Let your friends be better than you.

Let people come to your conclusions.

First, tell me what you expect of me; then tell me what I can expect of you. People will generally live up to the commitments they make to you as long as they came up with them on their own.

Think always in terms of the other person’s point of view.

Where they stand depends on where they sit; figure out where they’re sitting.

Some of the people you will ever meet are dying for sympathy.

Give it to them and they will love you.

A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

Dramatize your ideas.

“Don’t use logic; tell stories.” Make your ideas visible, concrete. Bear in mind that people don’t know until you show them what you mean.

Stimulate in others their innate desire to excel (perhaps through a friendly challenge or through competition).

BE A LEADER

Don’t go sailing into difficult interpersonal situations with guns blazing. You’ll always get a negative reaction.

Change “but” into “and”.

Be indirect in your criticism. Praise before you condemn.

Ask questions rather than giving orders.

Be very careful to help others preserve their dignity.

People crave recognition: praise the smallest improvement and praise every improvement.

Treat people as though they had the virtues you wished they possessed.

Give them a reputation to live up to and they will work like crazy to live up to it.

Praise the good; minimize the bad: encourage.

Make achievement seem possible. Take and encourage little baby steps. Seek out even the most insignificant of successes.

Napoleon: I could conquer the world if only I had enough ribbon.

The contents of this book are:

Part One

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
Give honest and sincere appreciation.
Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Part Two

Six ways to make people like you
Become genuinely interested in other people.
Smile.
Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

Part Three

Win people to your way of thinking
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
Begin in a friendly way.
Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
Appeal to the nobler motives.
Dramatize your ideas.
Throw down a challenge.

Part Four

Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
A leader’s job often includes changing your people’s attitudes and behavior. Some suggestions to accomplish this:
Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
Let the other person save face.
Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

Your opinion?

Some of the book may come off as phony, but I think it is how you read and apply it. If you apply this in your life and you truly do care about other people and use these techniques with authenticity, you are not being phony.

This book is informative and helpful for anyone who wants to enjoy an even more enhanced connection with other people and or develop better conflict resolution skills when the need arises.

Well worth a read? Have you read this book?

Would you like to express an opinion in the forum or write a review? The link to the forum board for this is the Success/self help book opinions.

Written by SuccessMotivational.com · Filed Under Self help book guide 

10 life quotes to start your day with

September 3, 2009

If you could do with a reminder or two about what to keep in mind throughout today for your own personal achievements, happiness and success, here are 10 life quotes that may help.

  • The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours – it is an amazing journey – and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins. – Bob Moawad
  • I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. – Maya Angelou
  • There’s a boundary to men’s passions when they act from feelings, but none when they are under the influence of imagination. – Edmund Bourke
  • It doesn’t matter how one was brought up. What determines the way one does anything is personal power. – Carlos Castaneda
  • Freedom & security are found not so much in what we have, but what we know we can create with confidence. – Robert T. Kiyosaki
  • It may be that those who do most, dream most. – Stephen Leacock
  • Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing. – Abraham Lincoln
  • There is a wonderful mythical law of nature that the three things we crave most in life – happiness, freedom, and peace of mind – are always attained by giving them to someone else. – Peyton Conway March
  • The only limit to our realisation of tomorrow will be our doubts of today; Let us move forward with strong and active faith. – Franklin D. Roosevelt
  • For an average man, the world is
    weird because if he’s not bored with it,
    he’s at odds with it. For a warrior, the
    world is weird because it is stupendous,
    awesome, mysterious, unfathomable.
    A warrior must assume responsibility for
    being here, in this marvelous world, in
    this marvelous time.
    - Carlos Castaneda

Written by SuccessMotivational.com · Filed Under Life quotes 

Self-help book: The Magic Of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz – a brief introduction

August 26, 2009

The Magic Of Thinking Big by David Schwartz

The Magic Of Thinking Big by David Schwartz

The Magic Of Thinking Big was first published in 1965. A version was published in 1987 by Simon & Schuster, Inc (the version pictured). It contains real-life case studies to illustrate a point. Some people that read this book may find some of these examples hard to believe but they illustrate the point nevertheless.

Dr Schwartz defines a proven approach for getting the most out of your job, relationships and life in general. The reader can learn about turning defeat into victory, building favorable work and personal relationships and thinking like a leader. It is really all about getting rid of negativity and instead believing in success, overcoming fear, building confidence, becoming more creative and more.

It has 13 chapters:

  • Believe you can succeed and you will
  • Cure yourself of Excusitis, The Failure Disease
  • Build confidence and destroy fear
  • How to think big
  • How to think and dream creatively
  • You are what you think you are
  • Manage your environment: Go first class
  • Make your attitudes your allies
  • Think right toward people
  • Get the action habit
  • How to turn defeat into victory
  • Use goals to help you grow
  • How to think like a leader

Dr Schwartz closes the book with the following quote:

“A wise man is the master of his own mind. A fool is a slave to his.” – Publilius Syrus

You can read an introduction for some chapters at Google Books or reviews at Amazon and similar places.

Your opinion?

Have you read this book? Would you like to express an opinion in the forum or write a review? The link to the forum board for this is the Success/self help book opinions.

Written by SuccessMotivational.com · Filed Under Self help book guide 

10 inspirational quotes to start your day with

August 26, 2009

Here are ten of the more memorable inspirational quotes from one of the popular inspirational quotes web sites. Start your day with one or more of these and see what a difference it makes in your life!

  • Beauty, truth, friendship, love, creation – these are the great values of life. We can’t prove them, or explain them, yet they are the most stable things in our lives. – Jesse Herman Holmes
  • Don’t limit yourself. Many people limit themselves to what they think they can do. You can go as far as your mind lets you. What you believe, remember, you can achieve. – Mary Kay Ash
  • Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born. – Dr. Dale Turner
  • Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true. – Leon J. Suenes
  • If you have made mistakes…there is always another chance for you…you may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call “failure” is not the falling down, but the staying down. – Mary Pickford
  • Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. – George Bernard Shaw
  • Live your life each day as you would climb a mountain. An occasional glance towards the summit keeps the goal in mind, but many beautiful scenes are to be observed from each new vantage point. – Harold B. Melchart
  • Nothing is predestined: The obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings. – Ralph Blum
  • Perseverance is failing nineteen times and succeeding the twentieth. – Julie Andrews
  • All your life you are told the things you cannot do. All your life they will say you’re not good enough or strong enough or talented enough; they will say you’re the wrong height or the wrong weight or the wrong type to play this or be this or achieve this. THEY WILL TELL YOU NO, a thousand times no, until all the no’s become meaningless. All your life they will tell you no, quite firmly and very quickly. AND YOU WILL TELL THEM YES. – Nike ad

Source: Great-Inspirational-Quotes.com

Written by SuccessMotivational.com · Filed Under Inspirational quotes 

Self-help book: Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill – a brief introduction

August 20, 2009

Think and Grow Rich

Think and Grow Rich

This book is a classic best-seller that has been reprinted over and over again. It was written in 1937 and Napoleon Hill gives 13 success principles used by the great success stories of the early 20th-century. He interviewed Alexander Graham Bell, Henry Ford, Andrew Carnegie and 500 others.

One of the most recent versions of this book is called Think and Grow Rich, The landmark bestseller – now revised and updated for the 21st Century by Napoleon Hill with Arthur R Pell. Here is a quote from the chapter about desire:

“Determine exactly what you intend to give in return for the money or anything you wish to desire. It needs to be done in fair exchange.

Also write out a clear, concise statement of the amount of money you intend to acquire, name the time limit for its acquisition, state what you intend to give in return for the money, describe clearly the plan through which you intend to acquire it.”

In the updated version, Arthur R. Pell, Ph.D., a consultant in human resources management interweaves anecdotes of how contemporary millionaires and billionaires, like Bill Gates, achieved their wealth.

There are 15 chapters in this book:

  • Chapter 1: Introduction
  • Chapter 2: Desire
  • Chapter 3: Faith
  • Chapter 4: Auto Suggestion
  • Chapter 5: Specialized Knowledge
  • Chapter 6: Imagination
  • Chapter 7: Organized Planning
  • Chapter 8: Decision
  • Chapter 9: Persistence
  • Chapter 10: Power of the Master Mind
  • Chapter 11: The Mystery of Sex Transmutation
  • Chapter 12: The Subconscious Mind
  • Chapter 13: The Brain
  • Chapter 14: The Sixth Sense
  • Chapter 15: How to Unwit the Six Ghosts of Fear

You can read an introduction for some chapters at Google Books or reviews at Amazon and similar places.

Your opinion?

Have you read this book? Would you like to express an opinion in the forum or write a review? The link to the forum board for this is the Success/self help book opinions.

Written by SuccessMotivational.com · Filed Under Site articles 

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